Time of Reflection

There are only a few hours left until the 2012 year comes to a close and we all jump into 2013: a new beginning. The next few weeks we will see many people who have the New Years Resolution to lose weight and they will dream of how they will do this and that includes swamping the gym because that is the best solution they have come up with. Yet by the end of January, the regulars will be the ones left standing in the gym and many of the enthusiasts with Resolutions will have forgotten about it. However, we will still be standing, the people who mentally made the toughest decision of our lives to begin anew and start one of the longest journey's of our lives. Why do we do it? Why should other begin and do it? For the reasons that follow...

I saw my friend of five years die from diabetes. She was only 30 years old when she entered the gates of Heaven. That was my wake up call that I did not want to go down that same path, so I made the conscious decision to change for the better. Do not wait until someone close to you dies before you realize that you need to make the switch and really work on your health. Nothing comes easy in life and just as easy as it was to put on the weight, it will be even more difficult to take the weight off.

Because it is never to early to start a countdown, everyone should know that there are 171 days until summer. That is a considerable amount of time to look fabulous for the summer instead of covering up and hiding in the corner so no one will see you. Be proud of who you are and all that you have accomplished in those days leading up to summer. Small changes in your daily life can lead to long term positive changes down the road that can ultimately boost your self esteem and enhance your beauty. They say it takes 21 days for something to become a habit, what is stopping you from making it to that 21 days?

Here I am, a picture of the start of my journey at the end of June and one of my most recent pictures taken in December. Since the last picture was taken, I have lost 40 lbs since June. Since June my BMI has gone down significantly. 

June 25, 2012 my BMI was 41.4. 

December 31, 2012 my BMI is 35.2.

What a wonderful accomplishment that I take so much pride and joy in. Some of my non scale victories over the year include:

• A new found love of baking and cooking
• Trying new foods
• LOVE to sweat
• Working out is my new friend
• Outdoor activities are exciting
• Cleaning out my closet once a month of big clothes

My decision to change directions in my eating and exercise has been such a wonderful journey. I am 10 lbs from my mini-goal which I hope to hit on my birthday in February. I have lost so much weight already but gained so much more confidence in the short amount of time that I have really been conscious about my daily routines and life. 

I vow to continue my weight loss journey and to make 2013, another memorable year for me. Thank you to all of you who continue to read my blog and follow along while I share my thoughts and wrestle with personal emotions conflicts. I knew this journey would be difficult but you all have made it easier to deal with.

Happy New Year!

☼Ashley☼ 

Scared

I have been doing a lot of pondering over the past few weeks as it is finally sinking in that I have actually lost 35 lbs and I continue to lose weight at a steady pace. It is a huge accomplishment and a hurdle I never thought I would actually be able to climb over. However, I am now faced with another hurdle which now has caught my attention, ponderings and even conversations with myself in my head. 

My newest hurdle is "I am almost at 200 lbs, and I am scared shitless to hit that number". Why is that? I have not been under 200 lbs since I was 13 years old and I am almost 23. That is 10 years of being over the 200 lb mark and it being what I am used to and comfortable with. I have tried countless times since the age of 13 to get to a healthy weight and to take care of myself. It now seems like a real possibility but I am scared. I am scared to death of succeeding in this journey that has beaten me down for so long. It is one major accomplishment to hit goal weight down the road but yet it is terrifying all at the same time. 

This has me worried because I am afraid of sabotaging myself before even giving myself the chance to hit below the 200 lb mark and try it on for size. I am going to talk to my friend the next time I see her and see if she can give me advice or help me to understand me. Trying to figure my own self out is just getting too confusing.

☼Ashley☼

Every move

I had to change up my exercise routine this month due to an old knee injury coming at me full force. Unfortunately, I had to give up running because of this knee; icing it, and the heaviness when walking. Since I stopped running I am back to myself, able to bend my knees much easier and squat without needing help to stand back up.

A friend of mine last month posted on his LoseIt! account a web page that I wanted to share. It is called Every Move and it is where you can record your exercise and earn points to later earn a reward. I decided to give my workouts an extra boost, I will work towards a $5.00 donation to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. I record how many minutes I exercise and what the exercise is and then they count up the points. The nice thing is that you do not pay for the reward, the site sends the money off to the organization. Or you can work towards your own personal reward from the list of gift cards on the website. So, if you need extra initiative when exercising, you want to jump over to the website!

www.everymove.org

Another helpful site is Gain Fitness. This is for anyone who wants to get into weight lifting without going to a personal trainer for help. I use it on my Iphone when I am in the gym and customize it to the equipment we have on the gym. A wonderful website to look at!

www.gainfitness.com

Ashley

Life is what you make of it

What a week it has been with Hurricane Sandy, not knowing if we are having school next Thursday and Friday, attempting to get homework done and eating the best that I can. My head hurts just thinking about it! We had our power restored after 62 hours without it. I honestly was getting used using candles and it felt like the world just stopped for a few days. There was no worrying about Facebook or LoseIt! or listening to the woes of the world. It almost reminded me of being in Cape May where there is just this calmness, peace and serenity. In some ways I wish that I had that back, and in other ways not so much. 

Since I was able to slow down the past few days, I spent time pondering my thoughts and feelings and if I am truly happy. It may seem odd to many but for me it was time to re-evaluate. Am I happy where my life is headed, am I happy with the current situation, can I do more with my life, can I live a better life? The answers are mixed for all of those questions but I can say that in general I lead a pretty happy life. I have done more with my life than I ever dreamed or imagined I could do. I have helped people both directly and indirectly by being there to lend an ear or to provide support or other means to people. My life is meant to be of service to others. I truly enjoy giving to those that may not have all that I have or just befriending someone who needs friendship and comfort. I do not like sitting around waiting for opportunities to come my way or enjoying everything that I have in the comforts of my own home.

This is where I begin to question things. The idea of service and wanting to help others, where did this come about? It is questions like these that I wonder if I am actually adopted into my own family because I am uniquely different from them in my ideals of life, and the people around it. While, I know for a fact I am not adopted since I look quite a bit like my mother. I have become my own person, separate of the norms that both my immediate and extended family are used to. It can make a person feel isolated, but I for one know that I have many close friends whom I consider to be my own family. It is up to our own individual selves to decide whether we want to be like those around us in our own homes or to be separate, unique and complete individuals. 

Life is what you make of it. 

I chose to be the person I am today, despite all the negativity and harsh judgements of family members. I chose to work my butt off to be a healthier person so that I can serve others. I chose to educate myself on what is going on in the world but also in the education system. I chose to be happy because I cannot see myself being miserable. I chose to love with all my heart and soul, any human being (or animal) that comes into my life who willingly accepts. I chose to live my life to the fullest with no regrets or looking back upon past mistakes or wishing to change things. I chose to laugh at myself when I look like an idiot or when someone tells an awful joke. I chose to love God and to serve as one of His servants. 

I am unique, fully of love, compassion, and hope. I am simply me. <3

Until next time....

Updated pictures.. 3 1/2 months going strong..

Frankenstorm

As I sit here writing to you all, I am waiting for Frankenstorm to approach. Where I live in New Jersey, is pretty much the center of the storm and work has been called off for the next 2 days. It is just lovely, and I am not really bothered by it because I have lived on Long Island where hurricanes and storms are a normal occurance.

What am I worried about? Not being able to go out for a run. This month has been a kick butt month for running and I will be hitting 50 miles on the 31st. I enjoy going out and running my normal route and then going the neighborhood. It is not necessarily fun having the wind make running hard but that is okay, I have gotten used to it. I know that running during the storm is not the best idea which is why I won't be doing it. I mean, this storm is only three days out of my life so it is not that bad right?

Today, since I am rather bored I am going to be doing a lot of exercise once I get my butt off the couch. I want to try and lose 1.4 lbs by the end of this month because then I will have hit my 30 lb mark. I am unsure if it will happen but I am going to try my hardest that is for sure.

One thing I have noticed over the past month is that I am loosing a boat load of inches off my body. From the beginning to the end I have lost about 11 1/2 inches. It is pretty crazy and to see clothes that fit at the beginning of the month that no longer fit now. It is pretty exciting!

I am excited to see what November is like!

Until next time......

C25k

So, I started the c25k program four weeks ago today. Initially, I started in but because I was so heavy and have no motivation I stopped at the end of week 3. At the beginning of September I decided to give myself another shot at running. Since then I have really enjoyed running. I am not exactly sure why, but it might be the fact that I am addicted to sweating now or just my excitement. I am noticing that my body is physically changing which is pretty sweet. However, there is one downfall. The scale is refusing to move at this point. I want to push the number down but it is not working. So I am just pushing through with running three times a week and doing zumba three times a week. We will see what results I have on the scale Sunday.

With my Reaper family, we are doing a scavenger hunt for the month of October. We created a list of things we are to do within the month. The list ranges from not eating meat for a day, hopping from your home to car, and completing all your goals for the month. This challenge has seen everyone off and running and it has been a lot of fun thus far. I also decided to join a running challenge for the month. Most of the people are doing 100 miles within the month. I decided to lower my goal a bit because I am not ready for that. So, this month I am going to run 50 miles this month. I am so excited and ready to start this running challenge. 

“Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.” ~Stephen R. Covey

☼Ashley Grace☼

Hiking

Life seems to be getting more and more hectic with each passing day. I am not exactly sure where the hours of the day run off to. School (college and subbing) are in full swing and I have started to get phone calls about October! 

This week I decided to mix things up with my exercising. What does that mean? Well, I began the c25k program, and have been running almost every other day. It is a lot of fun especially when I am able to get outside and run along the corn fields and cows. The only downfall is that people can see me especially people who I am not comfortable with, seeing me run.

I also decided to give hiking a chance since it is something I have always wanted to do but was unsure of how to go about doing it. My friend Kristine and I went to Mount Tammany along the border of PA and NJ. It is 3.5 miles round trip. The first 1.5 miles, you climb 1,200 feet up. It is certainly a good work out. I am dealing with the soreness today and the blisters! 

So my challenge for you all this week, is to try something new with your exercise routine. Do something that you have always wanted to do whether it be roller blading or ice skating. It is time to take the chains off and stop limiting yourself to what you think you can not do. Think about all the possibilities of what you can do.

Tip of the Day

Cook with the best fat burning oils: 
1. Olive oil- heart friendly 
2. Macadamia oil- Oleic Acid (Omega-9 fatty acid) 
3. Coconut oil- triglycerides

☼Ashley☼

Food Trick #1

While I was away in Cape May, I met a woman who is a teacher and also happens to be a body builder on the side. We talked a bit about my quest to lose weight and what I have done thus far and have changed in my diet. Since then she has e-mailed me a few articles that have tricks to eating. There are seven altogether so I will share them here within my blog.

Spice It Up

Include the following spices in your food while you eat.

1. Black Pepper- 8% increase in metabolic rate; reduces the symptoms of gas and constipation
2. Turmeric- lowers blood sugar
3. Cinnamon- Controls blood sugar levels; gives immune system a strong boost
4. Ginger- Metabolic boosting
5. Garlic- Detoxify the body; loosens up fat
6. Cayenne Pepper- 25% boost of metabolism
7. Chili Powder- Metabolic boost

I also thought I might include some of my goals for the month of September:

1. Lose 10 lbs by September 30
2. Exercise 5 days for 30 min. per week 
3. Purge through my big clothes by the end of September

This past weekend I participated in my 2nd 5k ever. I went to the NJ Color Run and met up with some awesome Slim Reapers from Loseit! It is so nice to interact with them and finally be able to put a face to a name, the internet walls are taken down and you can meet those who are helping and supporting you through this transition to be healthier. Here is my Slim Reaper family.

☼Ashley☼

Amazed and Enthused

I posted last week about how frustrated I was with my weight while on vacation. Weighing yourself everyday is not the most ideal thing especially because there are so many factors one needs to take into consideration. So, I decided to only weigh myself on Monday and then move  on. Stepped on the scale a week ago and bam, 2 lbs down. Then I stepped on the scale this morning and bam another 2 lbs down. That means in the two weeks I was away I lost a grand total of 4 lbs. 

This surprises the heck out of me because I did not stick to my meal plan  to the T especially when measuring out my food a few times during the week, I would feel nauseous after eating because I ate too much and some of the food was heavier as far as ingredients. Also, not drinking as much water as I should have been throughout the week put a wrench in things. However, those 1 1/2 hour beach walks during the week seemed to do its job along with being more active than I am at home.

All in all, not such a bad two weeks in Cape May. I am officially down 20 lbs and looking forward to continue my winning streak with my weight!

☼Ashley☼

Vacation Blues

This past week I spent time at a retreat center in Cape May. As of right now, I will be spending another full week here and am very much looking forward to it. It was a struggle to stay on task with my eating and it is frustrating at times. Right now though, it is fun to put clothes on and realize how large they are and when I get home they are going to be donated. I was given a shirt at the retreat center and that is even large for me which is exciting. I look forward to the day when I am able to wear it as a night shirt and it be much looser than it currently is. Continuing through the week, I will be working on eating better especially because I have been feeling nauseous all week right after meals and it often does not go away. This in addition to me overeating is not helping, I am still having trouble with eye balling portions because I am used to eating more than I do now.

Something that I did not anticipate or expect was a mental check of sorts. Life brings about many challenges, of which there are just some you can not control no matter the situation. This week really tested what I know to be wrong and overcoming my fears to better who I am as a person. My faith life and belief that there are no such things as coincidences led to wonderful friendships and someone who finally understands ME and the circumstances/challenges I have been through. It has been a wonderful blessing and I was sad for it to come to an end this morning. Another struggle for me is saying good-bye. Those words in my mind tend to mean forever because it has occurred time and time again. 

This week has been amazing, so I wonder what next week will bring!

☼Ashley☼

Dry Ounces and a Recipe!

Before I get on to today's topic, I would just like to say wow. I attended a baby shower for a close friend of mine on Saturday and was nervous about going because I am trying not to go out for meals, and instead cook at home. So in the morning I prepared myself, made sure that I had about 1,000 calories saved for lunch since it was an Italian place and then burned off 1,000 calories at the gym. I still had enough for breakfast, dinner and some snacks in between. When I got to the baby shower there was candy everywhere. I did not break and refrained from the candy. Lunch was chicken in a lemon sauce and pasta with a sauce and peas in it. The chicken, I took two pieces and estimated it to about 3 oz., the pasta I took about 1/4 cup and I also ate two small rolls. When I say small, they were tiny, but they were fresh and hot. Prior to lunch, I had about 6 glasses of water to prepare myself. Ready for desert? I had a mini canoli, a mini brownie, a small piece of chocolate cake AND a sliver of cheesecake with cherry sauce. I felt pretty good because all of the things I ate were relatively small. I jumped on the scale Sunday morning and the results? .4 lb loss. GO ME!!

On a note about weight loss, I upped my calorie intake to match my BMR more closely. I found I was eating 200 calories UNDER where I should be. So, I adjusted my numbers on 
LoseIt and the weight is falling off. As of this morning I am down 13.8 lbs!

So this morning, I would like to address dry ounces. Thank you Amy for giving me the idea and I will provide a recipe for you as well. I spoke about the difference between dry ounces and using a measuring cup for dry food. So below, I have red grapes. The picture on the left is how many red grapes you would  have if you measured with a 3/4 cup measuring cup. On the right is the computation into dry ounces. 3/4 cup = 5.04 ounces. Do you see the difference? There are more grapes in the dry ounces than using the cup. I know the dry ounces is more accurate than the measure cups. Whats more is 6.00 fluid ounces=5.04 dry ounces.

Pizza

The pizza that I made is white broccoli, delicious and feeds only one person. The nice thing is you can make it for the family and if you are the only one dieting, that works because everyone can put on whatever toppings they want.

Ingredients:

1 Pocket thins, flatbread, 8 grain = 100 calories

1/2 cup 5 Italian cheese, shredded 180 calories

1/3 cup Fat free Ricotta = 80 calories

1/2 cup Broccoli = 15 calories

1/4 tbls garlic powder =7 calories

Total calories = 382

Directions:

1. Take pocket thin and break it open so you have two pieces. Lay it on a baking tray so you have a circle like picture below.

2. Put Ricotta on top of pocket thin, smearing it across the two pieces.

3. Sprinkle garlic powder on both pieces of the pocket thin.

4. Break broccoli into small pieces after weighing and place on Ricotta.

5. Spread the cheese on top.

6. Bake in the over on 400 for about 5 minutes.

Here are the ingredients for bacon pizza.

1 Pocket thins, flatbread, 8 grain = 100 calories
1/2 cup 5 Italian cheese, shredded 180 calories

4 slices turkey bacon= 60 calories
1/4 cup tomato sauce = 20 calories
1/4 tbls garlic powder = 7 calories
Total calories= 367 calories

These are my quick fixes and honestly, I think they taste better than going out and ordering a pizza. The crust has much more flavor and the best part? It is healthy and you know what is on it. :)

☼Ashley☼

Dry or Fluid Ounces?

I like to think that I am relatively "new" to the cooking world. Baking and cooking is a piece of cake for me, following directions and the amount of each ingredient needed. It is fun for me to alter and change recipes to see if the food tastes decent or if the recipe should have been left alone.


Since I am being consciousnesses about the food I eat, I use measuring cups and scales on a daily basis. Measuring cups are excellent for measuring all types of food. Or so I thought. It never occurred to me that measuring cups are more for liquids as opposed to solid foods like grapes. 


A few days ago, I stumbled across a website that converts a cup to dry ounces. This helps because I can weigh it out on the scale and it is much more accurate than the way I was doing it with the measuring cups. 


http://www.reluctantgourmet.com/conversion_tables.htm

So what have I learned? Use dry ounces when measuring solid foods.

☼Ashley☼

10 lb Club

Guess what I joined this morning?! You guessed it from the title, I joined the 10 lb club! I am beyond thrilled because I have kicked the 250's good bye! I never want to see that on the scale ever again. I am really enjoying seeing the numbers go down and have a few more before the weight starts to slow down. 


Yesterday, I was at the gym, listening to my I-pod singing along to all my awesome music and it really encouraged me to continue to burn off those calories and go in to cardio over drive! This week my team is doing a cardio challenge and I am working as hard as I can to keep the pounds moving!


Do not forget, Saturday is National Dance Day, so get out there and dance the pounds off, I know I will!! 

Some current stats that I want to share with everyone.

Original BMI 6/19/12- 41.4

Current BMI 7/26/12- 39.8

Weight loss since 6/19/12- 11.2 lbs

☼Ashley☼

Eeek Exercise!

I am beginning to really love exercise. Mind you it has been about 15 weeks since I began but it is an acquired taste. Some people love it, others do it because it is healthy and others find every excuse in the book NOT to exercise. My friends fall into all of these categories and provide a different insight into the world of exercise.

As I mentioned, I love exercise. It is a major step up from where I was last year or even the beginning of this year. In deciding to lose weight and exercise, I decided that exercise needed to be my main priority before I began worrying about what I ate. It is harder for me to watch what I eat and then incorporate exercise. Why? Easy, the numbers on the scale tends to go up for the first 12 weeks of exercise because of building muscle.

Yesterday I decided to take the plunge and buy a year membership at the gym. The nice thing is I was able to get another 2 months free because of a special they were running. I have gone both yesterday and today and spent a couple of hours both days there. There are so many benefits to the gym; the numerous workout machines, weights and classes. Today as I worked out on the elliptical, I observed all the people lifting weights to see what kinds of tips I can take away from their workouts. It was very eye opening and many things I saw, I will use when I work out.

The fun part is posting on loseit.com every time I work out and what machines I use. Today, I found the perfect comment from a guy named Joe. He came to the conclusion that "you're carrying out a vendetta on exercise machines everywhere." Whether that is true or not, is my secret but it is safe to say that is what I am doing and loving every minute of it.

I guess the main idea I want to get across, is find something you enjoying doing for exercise. Each person has their own strengths and weaknesses along with something they are good at. The options are endless when it comes to exercise/playing sports, you just need to try and find your outlet and run with it. I used to play softball among other sports and while that is no longer an option for me, working out, using the elliptical is one of my favorite things to do. Try not to get discouraged if you do not find something right away, it will come, just try and it will be worth you while.

☼Ashley☼

Irreplaceable

I think the title speaks for itself. You as a person are irreplaceable, once gone that is it, there are no take backs or redo's. So why not live life to the fullest in every capacity? What is holding you back from living? What relationships are you afraid of having? Are you afraid of people saying things about you or what others might think? Is that extra weight keeping you from going out? 


For the longest time I did not want to live life to the fullest. There were many factors that contributed but as a result my weight rose to the highest it ever has been. I decided not to go outside of the home for months at a time only to go to High School and come home. I have worked through many of those contributing factors and am pretty happy where I am now. So what is holding me back?


My weight. Simple as that. 


I haven't been on a date since last November. I have never kayaked. I can't fit into a seat to go on a simple roller coaster ride. That is pretty tough to chew out of all my 'can'ts'. I have realized though in my short journey thus far that my can'ts will be changed as long as I keep at it and will be 'cans'. Isn't it better to CHOOSE not to do something as opposed to not being able to? That is the way I think that it should be. 


Weight should not define who I am and what I can do. So, I have decided to take back my weight and my life. I am working towards being the person I want to be. After all, I only have one life and one body it is my time to show the world who I am. I am irreplaceable.

☼Ashley☼

Money Tips

I think most people would agree that they would love to get money as a tip every once in a while. It is almost like free money but you work for it. That waitress that you gave a hard time to the other night because your meal wasn't what you wanted because the cook messed up, deserved a good tip for putting up with you. My brother, likes to get tips for mowing the lawn once a week.

One thing I hate for sure is exercise. The idea of taking time out of my day to go and get sweaty for an hour or two does not appeal to me. However, every time I see a skinny girl out at the mall and I want to punch her because she has those genetics, I decide to ride it hard with exercise. I have been exercising for 14 weeks and while it is getting a little easier for me to do all the things I do (stairmaster, cardio, aerobics), my love for exercise has not changed. There are days I am able to tolerate it more than others (NOT hot days) which is great. It is the motivation that drives me to exercise and to sweat like a big. I figure if I am going to exercise, I might as well go hard or not do it at all.


Over the weekend, the picture below was on my news feed. It was of a workout tips jar. The idea is to tip yourself $1.00 for EVERY workout you do. That means, because I work out once a day, I pay myself a $1.00 every day. I really think I like that concept. In addition to my reward of ice cream, I get money. Is there anything better?


Since I have recorded my work outs on another web site, different from LoseIt!, I am taking advantage and including those in my workout tips. What is my goal you ask? I am saving my tips up until next year at this time, when I will be able to go out and buy a kayak. That really motivates me to workout. This time next year I will be posting pictures on here of me in my beautiful kayak on the Lehigh River or maybe even the Delaware River.

☼Ashley☼

Water Everywhere

I think I can speak for most people and say that I love water (Unless you are a hydrophobic)! It is good for making food, swimming, washing clothes and a whole host of other awesome things. The best benefit is that you can drink it, and it is completely free.


One of the biggest benefits of drinking water is it helps promote weight loss. The one thing that bothers me is the taste aspect of it. The lack of taste is rather annoying and I know I have to force myself to drink the water. It is a better alternative than soda, sports drinks and juice. Unfortunately, I am not a fan of lemons or lines or else I would put those slices in with my water but I am unable to handle the taste, plus acid reflux gets the best of me. 


But I want to take a look at some of the benefits of drinking water. There are six according to webmd.com

1. Drinking water helps maintain the balance of body fluids
2. Water can help control calories
3. Water helps energize muscles
4. Helps keep skin looking good
5. Helps your kidneys
6. Maintain normal bowel function

I have been drinking a crap load of water for about 2 days now. I spend most of my time in the bathroom it seems like. How much water am I drinking? 1 gallon!! That is a lot, imagine drinking a gallon of milk a day. I feel a lot better now that I cut all the soda, almost healthier which is what I want. Tomorrow I weigh in so it will be interesting to see what the scale says. 

Some may ask, how do you figure out how much water per day you should drink? Well, it is really simple. Take your weight and divide by 2. That is how many ounces of water per day you should drink. It seems like a lot but the more weight you lose the less water you have to drink. I am hoping that I will be singing at 85 ounces of water a day. That is my goal.

I have a challenge for all of my readers. I dare you, to drink water for a week without drinking soda/pop. However you need to drink the amount that is given to you from the formula above. Take it one day at a time and you will be amazed, you may even see numbers drop on the scare. Go for it!

☼Ashley☼

Willpower Say What?

What a rough weekend I had with food. Ugh, drove me absolutely nuts! I weighed in on Saturday and was upset with myself because I had gained .4 lbs. Now, that may seem minor which it really is but I took it way out of control. I beat myself up because I am working so hard to try and lose 60 lbs by December for the cruise. What did I end up doing? I gave in to the little devil in my head saying "go eat from the closet, no one will know". Yet, you know who knew? I did, and felt completely guilty after the fact because I knew what I did was wrong and I cannot take any of that back. There is no way to "throw up" the calories of what was eaten during that period. I just have to accept that I was week and tomorrow is a new day and I can start over again. That is just what I did.

I decided that in order to aid in my weight loss plan, I need to be proactive about meals throughout the week. This means planning out what I intend on eating and what kinds of exercise I need to do in order to accomplish what I need to. Yesterday, what a struggle day with my willpower but I won. How do you ask? Well, I planned to have this yummy taco pie for dinner. I went out and bought all of the ingredients needed to make it and I was so excited. After I came home, I was informed that everyone was going out to the diner. (Say what?!) Realizing that I most likely gained the .4 lbs from eating at the diner, I chose to be proactive and stay at home and eat my taco pie. (It was to die for by the way) I am not going to change my meals because of what other people do or do not want to do. It is time to take care of me, and me alone.

Fast forward to today, I planned all my meals, recorded them and was ready to carry out my day. There were no problems in the morning and afternoon and I really enjoy knowing what I am going to eat and not have to question or wonder what to do for snacks or meals. On my way home with family, someone asked to get a 20 piece McDonald's Chicken Nuggets (940 calories). We stopped and got it and once I arrived home, I had leftovers of my taco pie and some tortillas. Still delicious even though they were leftovers. I contemplated reaching over and have a chicken nugget but know that the grease and fast food is not healthy or good for my diet. So, I did not eat one and ate my dinner which was delicious! 

I guess the point of my post, is that I am realizing how much willpower I actually have. To be able to sit and eat dinner knowing I could grab a chicken nugget and devour it but instead turning away and saying no, was pretty easy. Every time I pass on eating something unhealthy, I feel even more powerful than before. I am going to be rocking the weight off with this willpower before you know it!

☼Ashley☼

Inconvenience Others

Writing this blog today, I was not sure as to what I wanted to talk/write about because there seems to be so many thoughts racing through my mind recently. I stumbled upon the video that I have below on a website that I follow religiously and after watching, things were put into some perspective for me.

So, my post today is about me being an inconvenience to others. It seems to occur more and more in my daily life that I do not fit into what other people want to do as far as going out to eat. There are people who enjoy eating out all the time and try to encourage me to be like one of those people but if I did, I could only imagine myself being 300+ lbs. That stresses me out more than anything! After eating so badly for so long, I need to get myself back in check and that is what I am doing by packing my meals and watching my food intake. This body of mine has a lot more to go through in life seeing as I am only 22 and I want to make sure my body can last through it all. That means taking care of myself and working to maintain a healthy weight and being active.

I make my meals at different times because I do not want to eat with people who are not supportive or who want to sabotage me. I refuse to cook a whole family meal because of the 'is that it?' comment. I have learned that life is not about everyone else, there needs to be time to take care of me, and if that means I count my calories, use measuring cups to measure my foods and eat at a certain time, well so what? I am comfortable with it because I am working towards a hard goal in life, being healthy.

All too often people get sidetracked and go meet up with friends and where is it? At a diner or a restaurant, where there is food and no way to track calories. Why? It is fast and easy and no one has to cook anything, you can sit and chat. What happened to dinner parties? Or inviting people over to your house and pre-making the food before guests arrive? We are so wrapped up in socializing around food that we forget there is a whole world of other things we can be doing that does not consist of us sitting on our bums, eating.

There again people stare and judge you because of your weight and because you do not care what you are putting in your mouth by going out to a restaurant. Last time I checked, skinny people go to restaurants as well, right? This world is made up of all different shapes and sizes and it is what makes us all unique. Just because a person is not doing what you want them to do, it should not be an inconvenience to you. Or at least, do not vocalize it day after day. It tends to get repetitive and annoying.

☼Ashley☼

Suddenly I See

Weight Jars

        I try to find motivational and inspiring songs that pertain to me and KT Perry's song Suddenly I See, is one that is growing on me and I am enjoying. It fits right now in this stage of the weight loss battle. Finally, I have opened my eyes to see what my weight has done to me and that I need to go about changing it once and for all. It feels like I have had blinders on for so many years and it is time to take them off and take charge of my life; who I am and who I want to be. 

        Today, I decided to weigh myself on the scale and see if I could push my luck a bit and lose some weight. Well, wouldn't you know, I lost 1.4 lbs! I am now officially down 5 lbs. This is where the picture of the Weight Jars comes in. I took a picture and posted it above. One jar represents the weight that I need to lose and say good-bye to. The other jar represents the weight that is gone and that I never want to see come back. It was a lot of fun making these jars and I am excited to see the progress that I make within the jars and changing over the stones once a week to show how much weight I have lost. I found this idea on Pinterest the other day and just went to the Dollar Store and bought all the necessary supplies. For some people buying smaller clothes is the best incentive for them but I prefer my jars, they are easy and inexpensive to make!

        I look forward to the days ahead and all that I have to offer myself. I have been able to change my mindset on different things and now is the time that I will be putting it to the test. It is going to be difficult but I am being held accountable by a number of people so the only way from here is up and I cannot wait!

☼Ashley☼

Calorie Challenge

Before I get into the topic of this post, I must share some rather good news. I decided that just for kicks, I would hop on the scale Tuesday to see what my weight was. Normally I would not do that because I weigh in on Saturdays but after seeing another support friend had lost some weight I thought I would try it. Good news? I lost .8 pounds and that was midweek! I am beyond thrilled and even though I know I will have my bad days, I will take whatever I can take.

I enjoy going out to eat for lunch or dinner, just like the next person. The Diner right in town is awesome, the food is wonderful and I can never get enough. But it always makes me wonder how exactly do they make the food? Do I really want to know how much butter they used? Or the ingredients, are they actually edible? The simple fact is even though I do not want to know what it is made of, I need to know. In order for me to lose weight and continue on this healthy lifestyle, I need to maintain control of what I put in my mouth. That does not mean I want to stay caged in my house forever eating only food prepared there. I want to be able to go out and enjoy the simple pleasures in life of going out once in a blue moon to a restaurant that I enjoy. 

Today I took my cooperating teacher down to our Alma Mater for a luncheon where she received an award for her leadership as a cooperating teacher. The school provided lunch for us and it was nice, chicken with gravy, ziti, bread, salad and cookies. As I looked down at the food, I wondered how many calories I was about to eat and how exactly do I track it? I could only estimate how many calories because I knew there was no real figure for me to follow. I thought of about 600 calories for the 1/2 cup of pasta, roll and piece of chicken I ate.

This is one of the challenges I face as I change my eating habits. How do you account for those calories you do not know about? How do you judge how much is too much food? So, this is what I am thinking, if there are days I know I am going out for lunch or dinner, try to save extra calories during the week, drink plenty of water during that day, exercise a little longer and if possible take smaller portions. After all, the person who is serving you the food or making the food, is not going to eat it or wear the food on their hips (That is where my food ends up).

It will take some time but there are only good things to come because I am a survivor and this is my fight alone. I change the direction of my life and will fight this calorie challenge and I will win.

Ashley <3

Week 1/Week 12

I have tried to keep blogs before but never stayed true to them and ended up forgetting about them. So, I decided with the chance of a new me comes a new blog that I will stick to in sickness and in health. I will not give away my weight because it is embarrassing but after I have gotten down to a decent size I will share the number. I am certainly owning that number no doubt and I am certainly not proud of it. It is only 10 pounds down from my biggest weight which is not good. Some stats for today: 

BMI: 41.4

Exercise: 5 days a week/2 miles a day

Start date: Saturday March 31, 2012

LoseIt! Start Date: Tuesday June, 19, 2012

You may be wondering just what the title means, it looks confusing to the unsuspecting reader. Well, here it is... The first part of Week 1 stands for how long I have been on my new health plan. The term diet seems too harsh for me so I am going to refuse to use it anywhere in my blog. This is a turn in the right direction for my eating habits and I am beyond thrilled to be using the LoseIt! program. For me, it is ten times easier than Weight Watchers or any other type of program out there to date. All I have to do is count the calories and monitor what I eat on a daily basis. It is the accountability factor that I have been lacking for such a long period of time. I can add in my exercise on the program which makes it so easy!

Now for the second part of my title.. I am on week 12 of exercising five days a week. Never in a million years would I have thought that I could get this far and continue on knowing that there is still light at the end of this long dark tunnel. I am beyond thrilled of myself for keeping the routine up and not letting myself down. I realized by the 6 week mark that if I decided to skip a day, the next day I was so upset because I skipped. There is a sense of happiness and I feel so much healthier walking and knowing that I am working towards a goal. For this I am tracking it using both the LoseIt! program and Active.com. The latter program keeps track of how much I exercise and keeps it in a calendar that is within reach for me and also has the latest events around the United States. So, if I wanted to look up a race, I can go right there and register. Easy, right?     

         

This summer, I have begun my search for jobs as I just graduated college. It is often stressful and has me guessing at times if I will be able to obtain a teaching position. In the meantime, I am making my health my focus. No longer do I want to be the fat girl or the one teased, or laughed at when I am on the beach. Plus, on the inside I feel skinny and beautiful, and it is time for me to show it on the outside.

So, thus begins my journey into the unknown. It may sound scary at first but it is like going on a roller coaster blindfolded, it will be scary at times but exhilarating other times, just have to keep on going until the end!

For now...

 Ashley <3