May Victories

~Victory belongs to the most persevering.~

Victory is the word I would use to describe May. It has been such a successful month for me in terms of non scale victories along with trying new things within my daily life.

• Something I never thought I would be able to do again in my life; rock a pair of shorts. It seems trivial and minor but when you have spent your whole life being obese and so self-conscious about your legs, the last thing you do is put on a pair of shorts. The last time I wore them was when I was a preteen. I decided that with the summer coming up and having lost so much weight, I needed to work on my fear of wearing shorts. So I went and bought three pairs to wear this summer, size 14. Monday was the first day I tried them on and wore them around the house. I wore a nice pair of black pants today to school and was met with lots of compliments which made my self confidence increase tremendously.

• I love my Heart Rate Monitor. If you do not have one, you should purchase one because it will be the best investment you will ever make. It provides me with weekly heart rate targets for the three different zones. Since purchasing my HRM in September, I have not been able to hit those zones successfully. I am either too high or too low. This week however, I made it for the first time on Monday! To my surprise, the HRM showed a trophy on the screen and it is not going away. That is totally fine with me because I love the image as a constant reminder of my awesomeness. (I know it is not a real word)

• Exercising! I have done it all along but I am making a conscious effort to try and move myself away from solely doing cardio (Zumba). This means that I am cutting down my days of Zumba and replacing it with some good old fashioned toning/strength training classes. I have begun to adopt the mindset that those classes will help me in my weight loss journey and I will thank myself later. (Even if I never like squats, no matter how much I do them) So I have added a Les Mills Body Pump and Cx Worx into my routine. Monday-Thursday I am incorporating at least one of those classes into my activities along with two nights of Zumba. Next week I am going to be trying Les Mills RPM (Spinning). I am apprehensive but I have to be willing to try new things. I am certainly enjoying being sore everyday from working my rear off at the new classes.

• One word: Hummus. Oh my goodness, it is absolutely amazing! I have always heard of people talking about it but never thought I would actually enjoy it. My friend Sue suggested I try the spinach and artichoke and it was like a party in my mouth. Seriously, I have never eaten anything so tasty in my life. I think I would rather eat that the rest of my life than sweets. Trying that was certainly a victory in my book!

• Mental mind games. Every once in a while, my mind likes to play mind games on me especially with weight loss. The latest one is now that I am under 200 lbs, I am unsure of how far I should continue to go with my weight. I have this set number in my head: 150 lbs. It has always seemed like a nice number and after speaking with another friend, it is still in my head. I am laser focusing my attention to that number and am going for it all the way.

May has been a fabulous month. I may not have gotten far on the scale, but that is fine because there are so many other great things for me to celebrate and lavish in. What are you proud of doing in May? What are you going to do for June to step out of your comfort zone? To challenge yourself in a way, you never thought possible?

☺Ashley☺

Secrets and Logic

The road of weight loss has been relatively smooth for the most part over the last 60 lbs. I feel amazing and have been told that I look amazing too which is always nice to hear. My self-confidence continues to grow, the more weight I lose and the more I look in the mirror and say "You look fabulous and amazing". 

I get the people are excited for me and that they want to know my secret to weight loss. I share with them my four core values of weight loss; moderation, identification, change and exercise. The first of  course is watching food portions and controlling just how much you eat when it comes to the nutrition label on any type of processed food. Identification comes in to play when eating. Why are you eating? What are you feeling as you eat? Are you stressed/nervous/worried about something specific in your life? I had the opportunity to stand back and realize this weekend that the reason I wanted to stuff my face was from anxiety. So, I mentally solved the problem and tried my best to get over the anxiety I was facing by hitting it full force. The third value can be tough for someone to swallow. The idea of changing anything in one's life can be too much for a person to handle. I have found that change is best in moderation but it is essential when eating foods that only hinder the body. My close friends are instrumental in helping me try new foods in life and I have found many new loves that I never thought I would be eating ever. Then there is exercise and who can go wrong with it? There are so many types of exercises in the world that a person just needs to find their niche and stick with it. Not only does it help with losing weight but it is great in destressing and best of all, it is fun! 

With these core values, after the word change people tend to drop off. Granted that with a food lifestyle change, one must have some type of self control and discipline. It does not come off easily, and changing years of bad eating habits sucks and is hard to do. It is almost like retraining yourself to walk or to talk after an accident. There is nothing easy about it and can be very tough and frustrating. However, with time and practice it does get easier.

I can honestly say that my journey has been relatively easy thus far. The self discipline that I have given myself and self control has helped me during many food predicaments. There is one beast that I never thought I would have a hard time with: people. After telling them how much weight I have lost and the amount still left to lose on my journey I have been receiving feedback that has been really tough to swallow. Some include, "Oh honey, you are going to be anorexic!" or my favorite, "You have lost enough weight, you look beautiful now, I would not recommend you lose any more weight." Rather than being helpful comments, they are condescending and rather hurtful. I am getting to the point that I just will not divulge how much weight I have lost and share with those who will not give me those negative comments. Yes, I have 49 lbs to lose until I have reached my goal, it is a lot but it is what I need to do.

Currently, I sit at a BMI of 32.22 kg/m2. Looking at the chart I provided, it says I am obese. Hello people, obese! I do look good, but that is where strength training/toning come in. I still need to get into the overweight and then healthy weight category. I have 15 pounds to drop to hit the overweight category and all 49 lbs to lose to hit the top end of the healthy weight category. It may sound extreme but that is what I have to do at the point to maintain healthy standards. In talking with a dear friend of mine, I shared my concerns with those that had given me the negative comments above. She reiterated to me some of the same advice she gave when I was nervous about break into Onederland on the scale. I will have ups and downs and I will screw up, that is a given. I need to focus on the logic of the whole process now rather than the feelings that are associated with losing weight. The logic of the rest of the process is I need to drop those 49 lbs to hit the healthy weight on the BMI scale. There is no getting around it, that is the target in which I need to give my laser focus and continue trucking along to that end goal.

I was encouraged by my dear friend to make mini goals for myself instead of looking at the whole picture. Try making a 10 lb goal at a time to make it easier for myself and this way I do not get overwhelmed with the number. So first, I am going to look at trying to be under 190 on the scale, then 180, 170, 160 and hit 150. If I need to get lower, I will but I will take it as it comes; one day at a time. 

The other good thing about my friend is that I asked her to make a promise to me. That is to tell me when I get to the point of looking unhealthy. I want to be healthy but not look sickly and so she agreed that she would keep an eye out for me. It is such a great feeling to have someone who has your back and keeps you focused on the end result even when you have tons of people shut you down. She is a rock for me, someone who tells it like it is, whether I want to hear it or not. She sits on the side rooting me on along with a few other people. I love having my supporters.

Who supports you in your journey? Who are the "haters" that tell you, you look fine and do not need to lose any more weight? Is there someone you go to with your problems and they help by giving you a "this is logic, deal with it" pep talk? Take a moment to tell those people how much you appreciate their support and willingness to listen at times to the same complaints but help you regardless. These are the people you want in your corner, the ones you want to hold close.

☺Ashley☺

45 Day Challenge

I spent last week at Cape May, NJ volunteering as a moderator for the groups that came to the retreat house. It was so nice to see volunteers that I had not seen over the past few months and they were able to comment on my weight loss. The feeling of being acknowledged for my weight loss is amazing. Not to mention I pulled out a picture of me when I was 16 and people could not believe that it was me that was in the picture. They could tell it was someone who was related to me but not me. 

In talking with the cook, I verbalized a bet with her. Since I hit my mini goal of being under 200 lbs, my next goal is on the horizons. By July 21st I would like to be at 185 lbs. That is the point that I will be considered "overweight" instead of "obese" on the BMI scale. I have about 14 lbs to lose by then and know that I can do it, I just have to get stricter with my eating. Lately, I have been tracking but then eating a little more and exercising more to try and combat that. 

When I got home from the Cape, a person I follow put up on her blog a challenge which has inspired me. It is called the 45 Days Challenge. The goal is to refocus ourselves on a goal and then work towards it through healthy eating and exercise. This has sparked my challenge to myself to do better. Wednesday was my weigh in day and I did not do well with eating but yesterday I did great!

My first step is to get back into recording what I eat to a T and staying within budget. It has been a while since I have done it consecutively but I know that when I put my mind to it, I can do anything. The second step is changing up my exercise routine. I have begun to get away from Zumba and the cardio for a majority. Now, my attention is being focused on strength training and toning. It is important since I have lost so much weight and I am beginning to have skin issues. It is not serious but I know I cannot go on any longer without doing some toning and weight lifting. 

So, for the next 40 days, I am going to be working hard and trying new things to change up my routine. Come along for the ride, it is going to be so much fun! It is time to push your own limits and see just how much you can do. 

☺Ashley☺

In Memory

Yesterday was a very sad but comforting day for me to say the least. It was the 1 year anniversary of the death of my friend Christina (see picture on left). She had her whole life ahead of her and it was tragically cut short at the age of 30. She was an amazing beautiful person with such a great personality. She could cheer you up in no time with her sarcasm and humor. You could spot her with a Mountain Dew a mile away since that was her favorite drink and she never let it get away from her side.

No matter who you were, she wanted to be your friend and just chill out or send you a "hey, whats up?" text at random times during the night. She did not care about the stereotypes of today's world but rather she focused on your inner beauty and who you are rather than who you are not. 

I remember her passing as if it were yesterday. I was sitting at a retreat house in Cape May, NJ waiting for the children to go to sleep. Sitting with my phone I checked Facebook and saw something from her sister and best friend saying that prayers were needed for Christina. I knew something was wrong and I got in touch with her sister and asked what was going on. She told me of the health issues Christina had and that she might not make it through the night. 

May 19, 2012 at 3:20am

That is the moment she took her last breathe and headed up to be with our maker in Heaven. I was absolutely crushed to hear that my friend of over 5 years was never coming back, never going to text me back, never going to make jokes about Wal-mart. She never had the opportunity to experience what true love was from a man, or raise a family, or find a career path she was happy with. She never had the chance to get healthy and be active to live a full and healthy life.

It took some decision making but a month later, I started on my own health journey. I wanted to keep in mind that Christina would not die in vane and something good would come out of it for another person. Something good that would come out of it for me. I started the track of being healthy and losing weight. My goal for the first anniversary of her passing was to be under 200 lbs by yesterday. Guess what? I did it with 2 weeks to spare. I also ended up being able to lose a total of 60 lbs.

My journey is still going with 48 lbs to lose and a lifetime of maintenance still ahead of me. It is not going to be an easy path but it will be well worth it, especially being able to celebrate life and all that I have been given. Who has inspired you to be healthy and to lose weight? Who are you on this journey for besides yourself? My journey was inspired out of death to breath new life into me and I am very proud of it.

☺Ashley☺

Another Door Closes

Everyone has been patiently waiting to hear what the big news was that I announced a few weeks ago. Just be patient and and humor me for the moment. My life has always revolved around food especially as a kid. I was over 213 lbs by the time I was 13 and never knew what it was like to be under 200 lbs. Or if I did, it was only for a brief moment and what kid takes the time to look at the scale in awe and say "I am in Onederland!" I do not even think we owned a scale when I was younger. You just go about life enjoying what ever food was provided and there was no filter.

Fast forward to last year, with my weight on the rise back up to almost 260 lbs, something had to be done for sure. I took the necessary steps to try and improve my own health. My friend died of diabetes complications and I did not want her death to be in vane and without any good coming to it. I have worked my butt off since then, almost 11 months later and I have finally closed one door for good on my weight loss journey.

I am in Onederland!!

I am beyond thrilled to get to a point in my life and on the scale that I never thought I would reach. It shows to me that hard work and dedication can pay off if you believe in yourself, have motivation and self control to make good choices and be conscious of the food that enters your body.

You all have the same opportunity that I do to be better even healthier tomorrow than you are today. You too can see this number on the scale one day, you have to believe in yourself and push yourself to be uncomfortable some times and make that your norm. Go out there and tell yourself how worth it you are and how fabulous you are and believe!

☺Ashley☺