Dear Nursie

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  Dear Nursie,

  Just recently I was writing down ‘my story’ on how I came to be an obese young adult. I compiled my list of memories over my years in school. While I was writing down my story and finishing up with Pulaski Street, I began to reminisce about my time spent at the Middle School. I was far too young to realize it then but now looking back, I see how much the Middle School had a direct impact on my life during that time and a lingering impact as I have matured through the past few years.

  I experienced a lot of bullying through my 7th and 8th grade years because of my weight and it had such a negative impact on my self-esteem. I never fully understand why the other kids were so mean and chose to treat me in such cruel ways. Of course there were days that I admired all the girls who were thin and healthy but I never made the connection that if I were to be conscious of what I put in my mouth, I could one day become skinny or at least be at a healthy weight. All of the days that I bought lunch and would buy from the snack stand the Snapple, Zebra Cakes and Strawberry Rolls had a direct impact on my weight. When I think back to those foods I tend to want to beat myself up for letting myself eat those things and let myself get so out of control. Yet, I know that I cannot go back and take back the things I ate or did not eat.

  As I reminisce of my Middle School years, you always come back to my mind. I never felt more safe and loved than when I was in your office, it was my safe zone during my 7th and 8th grade year. Stepping through your office door, I felt a sense of comfort and serenity. You nurtured not only me but the “group” of us kids who would come to you needing not physical healing but emotional healing and nurturing. Never did you pressure me to try and lose the weight or be like the other kids in school. I was treated like a Middle School student who had needs that in small ways you helped to fulfill. You accepted me for my personality for who I was on the inside as opposed to what I looked like on the outside.

  In a way you taught me so many life lessons during those years, that I would not realize until I “grew up” and was able to take a stand back and re-examine events in my life. You have this incredibly amazing gift to be able to take care of and care for children who really need it the most. Those hours I spent with in your office are memories that I wish cherish forever. The days we listened to the Bee Gee’s and the hamsters (?) you had on your desk that sang. The way I would feel walking into my ‘safe zone’ leaving all my worries and cares at the door. Just for a little while I could be a kid and not worrying about the impending move from Long Island to New Jersey.

  I will never forget the last time I saw you. It was the 8th grade graduation ceremony at the High School. I was filled with so many emotions; anger, hurt and sadness. It was all due to the day coming so near that I would have to say good-bye to everyone I held close, everyone who I loved. You were one of the chaperones at the dance after the ceremony and the group that once congregated in your office, were all congregating in a circle. Right outside the cafeteria door is where we said our good-byes. A piece of my heart left with you that night and it has always been with you.

  Thank you for all that you have ever done for me. While it may have seemed insignificant at the time, it meant the world to me and it continues to mean a lot to me. The things you did for me touched me in a way that I cannot put into words. Your kindness has furthered my desire of becoming the best teacher that I can be. While you may not have been an official “teacher”, you were a teacher of the best lessons of all; life lessons. Not many teachers/school staff can do that through simple gestures or conversations. I have realized by looking back on my middle school years, I may not have made the best choices especially with my eating habits but I am learning and growing. I know now how I got to be where I was in both weight and my self-esteem. Simple things that I did and sometimes do, like eating when I am stressed has made me become self-aware of when I eat and what emotions I am feeling at that time.

  I am proud to say that I am finally at the weight I was when I walked across the stage at my 8th grade graduation. I have all intentions of continuing in my journey to be a healthy individual for not only myself, but for everyone who has ever had a positive impact on my life and most importantly for my future. I will soon be closing a 10 year door on my weight loss journey and leaving the 200’s behind. It baffles me every time I think of it because I am taking another step closer to being healthy and at a weight where I am no longer classified as ‘obese’. Yet this 10 year road would not be complete without bumps along the way or roads with uncertain futures. Thank you for being there for the early years of my 10 year journey to help set up the foundations that I am using to help improve my own life.

  Much love always,

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  *****This post is part of Blogtember, the challenge was to write a letter to someone special in your life.