Trip Down Picture Lane

I decided to take a walk down picture lane on my Facebook. I was scrolling through my page and all my posts about being thankful for something each day and then I saw my pictures. Something drew me to looking through them because it is rare I go back and look at old photo's especially since they are of me. 

But I found one that really caught my attention out of all of them. I am not sure exactly what it was about this picture but my mouth dropped and I had to flip through the rest of my pictures and then go back to this one. I mean, I know that I was larger just two years ago but I guess it never hit me HOW big I actually was. I have been telling myself that I was not as heavy as I really look in the pictures and that I really hold my weight well. I was not svelte by any means or a "normal" stature but I never thought to call myself obese let along morbidly obese. I mean take a long hard look at this picture. My rear end is out of the picture because my rear was too wide. My stomach, well I am sure I could not even see my feet if I looked straight down. 

I wonder what I thought pre-weight loss. How I viewed life as far as what I looked like in reality and how damaging it was for myself. I think it is one of those memories that I have removed or one that I try not to remember about the person I once was. Yet I realize that this picture will be my reminder of my college years, one that was filled with lots of eating and stressful times but yet I was 'content'. I use that lightly because I know that the way I viewed myself was to ignore it and hope that it would go away while truthfully, I could not stand to face myself and the demons of my past.

So tonight, I decided to take a picture of myself to remind me of how far I have come. I took this picture with so many smiles because I know that I am not the same person I was as an undergraduate. What a difference two years can make! I am happier than I have ever been and it is finally starting to click in my brain that I am no longer the person that I once was; at least physically and appearance wise. I realize now that my life is a blessing and all the things I do now for myself and my body are important. I will always struggle with my addiction to food and the feelings of inadequacy. My hope is that the feeling I have tonight shines through it all. The feeling o being so beautiful and realizing that I have done something amazing with my life that not many people succeed in doing. I am no longer that young adult in the above picture. I am someone who is new, who is thin and should flaunt my beautiful body.