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My secret you ask? Binge eating.
Now it is out for all the world to know. I am a binge eater. I have had 3 bouts of it over the past 5 years and it has come back to hit for the 3rd time just this past month. It sucks and I struggle for a long time to get it under control and move on with my life.
What does it look like for me? Basically, I eat over my calorie budget, more than I should. I cheat on anything you can imagine. When I cheat, I hide from people in the house so that I do not feel *as* guilty since no one knows what I have eaten but me. I did it this past weekend at my friends house. I had a few extra calories and wanted something sweet for dessert. So in addition to hot chocolate, I ate 1/6 apple crumb pie AND 1/6 pumpkin pie. Does not sound so bad right? Except I was shoveling it in while standing in the kitchen making sure no one heard me or saw me.
Every time I binge eat, my mind tells me "No, do not do it!" Yet I still manage to pile in the food. I get into a mindset that I have to eat the food now or else I will never get to have it again after that point. Which seems ridiculous right? I mean, I could make brownies 2 months from now and they would still be the same. I cannot wrap my mind around it so the safest thing for me to do is eat it while it is sitting in front of me.
I do feel guilty afterwards, but not guilty enough to be active and do better the next day. January has been a month
Where do I go from here? Well, I know that I need to take it a day at a time and focus on what I am doing at the moment. I also need to plan meals so that I can have ample of them so I do not feel cheated out of eating and I need to change up what I am preparing with desserts. I have to get my will power back in check so that this issue does not consume me and that I can continue on the healthy journey I have worked so hard to be on.
It is tough, but I will get there. One day at a time, one choice at a time.
The first step to overcoming it, is admitting it openly!
ReplyDeleteGood for you!
Until I was listening to a podcast last weekend, I didn't really understand this term. I suppose I am lucky and while it can sometimes be a problem for me, it's really just hormone related, it's not a huge concern!
I am confident you can overcome this...look how far you have come already. I included the link for the podcast in case you are interested
http://www.halfsizeme.com/101/
I do the SAME thing! I'm like a complete madwoman when I have something I know I shouldn't. I usually try to stuff so shying in my mouth in private too - when I'm finished I always feel, looking back, that I can't believe how quickly I consumed all those calories! Ugh! It's a tough habit to break! Good job admitting it and making a plan to move forward!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I also would love you to come link up with us at tips and tricks Tuesday. This, or any other post, would be great and I'm sure many could relate!
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave and honest. Denial has been my MO around my out of control eating. I've never considered myself a binge eater but really, that is probably accurate. I need to pay more attention and stop fooling myself.
ReplyDelete